Is it Normal?

   I always prefer to be silent. i am a good listener, though i tend to fake it sometimes, but in most cases i am silent since i dont know how to speak. Speak in the sense of relaying what i truly feel. Is Silence a defense? No, i often wonder why am i not blessed with this power or talent or skill to Speak out. Im not really good at it. I dont make sense when i speak that is why i just don't react sometimes.

  My husband and I are totally opposite, he is really good when he speaks, and i don't. And that is where we often misunderstood each other since he doesn't know what i feel, not knowing that i already realize everything that he said. Well one thing's for sure though im not good at speaking at least i do well in acting what i feel. 

 But i still don't know why i am created this way,  is this a talent? Am i normal?

ART..

  Learning to hold on and learning to let go. Both actions come with responsibility. i don't have the strongest emotion today that can best describe this art. all i know is that i have been into considering both and experience the outcome and  it is not easy enough, we need people behind us to help us go through and will still be there after all.
     When i was a kid , holding on that can sometime lead to fighting is always an option. Fighting to get something and letting go never makes sense. well, for instance , i remember when i was playing this rubber band madness with my sister and neighbor friends, i am so eager getting all the rubber band displaying in their wrist not minding the game but just thinking of having them all. i just realize that i am on my last set since i got 3 pieces left, so last game for me. So irritated, so frustrated, i haven't even accepted the offer to loan some and play again, eventually, i lost. But the feeling overwhelmed me, i hear them laughing and i thought it is me they're mocking at, so what i did, i took a handful of sand with little pebbles and throw it to them, i  felt such a loser after doing so.
   At some point  in life, we let our feelings rule and stick to it (since tis so sweet), instead of  weighing things first. Human as we are, you may say,... okay humanly speaking, we all have weaknesses and that can push us into doing something that we can never imagine unknowingly were hooked, become our lifestyle and after realizing its not right, finding a way out seems like a dead-end. We also have strengths and that is a great inspiration that can help us hold on and work in a fruitful way. But how can we really work on this? LOL.. i don't know ..enough knowing that i am not sinning. well i'm still on the process of knowing either. im not an expert,  Aren't we all?

 Unnotice. i use to like that status in life. No pressure, nothing to be scared of , to be ashamed of, just live my own way. but i guess it does not just go that way, 'somewhere along the road' theres always something to either lift or put you down. and as long as you breathe, you have to face it every single day, and it shapes your personality.

      I remember one time in my life, i was in school, it is a cloudy afternoon, sweet rain pour out gently, i was looking outside, everybody seem so busy, literally busy since it is cleaning time,  i was  staring at one unknown  plant on a not so beautiful landscaped garden, raindrops keep falling on its leaves making it sway gracefully, and some drops stay as if it wanted to last and never fall down the ground, i am captured from that serenity and unknowingly hummed the famous 'Bridge over troubled water' and time seem to stop around me. it almost took over my senses when finally someone shouted at me to move out since they cannot mop the mess on my post. i dont know how to end it anyway so thanks for the sour interruption!

    But anyway when i think about it i just remember this "inner peace" thingy that as if energize me, awaken my aura and felt like peace all over. Unnoticed most of the time but an inspiration to those who stop and appreciate.and i bet everyone can do that but boils down to a matter of choice and as all inspiring messages like, i described myself like that plant, it grows, it withers and eventullay die. it grows and no one can stop, and with growing comes joy, peace, faith, and most of all love. It withers, but it live standing through it all, then last leaf fall, it ends, will still end...